DISCIPLINE VERSUS GUIDENCE IN CHILD REARING

The languages of many countries are littered with sayings like ‘children should be seen and not heard’ or ‘spare the rod and ruin the child’. Sayings like these which have been handed down through the generations seem to imply a very unhealthy attitude towards our children. Harsh punishment, strictness, a complete lack of tolerance and a refusal to listen has meant that small children were banished to the nursery where every minute of their lives was strictly regulated and any infringement was punished mercilessly in an effort to mold the future generation into the kind of adults ‘we’ want them to be. Yet is playing God the best way to go about raising kids?

The traditional attitude to raising children envisioned kids as putty to be molded into a socially acceptable form and instilled with all the values, proclivities and ways of thinking that current society saw fit. Children were placed in a so called forge and battered into shape by unforgiving ‘blacksmiths’ who meant business. The penalty for any infringement was harsh words, the withdrawal of love and attention, the denial of the evening meal or the cane. The latter was wielded by fathers in the home and school masters at school. The physical pain and humiliation caused by caning was meant to encourage the child in question to rethink his behavior.   Corporal punishment left lasting scars, spirits were crushed and complexes were formed.  Resentment and a grave sense of injustice permeated children’s lives. The educational and developmental value of engendering such negative feelings should be obvious to anyone with a modicum of common sense yet the age old beliefs and practices linger on giving a whole new meaning to the concept of original sin. 

It is obvious that parents need to be disabused of the idea that every natural inclination of children needs to be crushed and every mistake should be punished. That children have much to learn in order to become fully functioning and useful members of society who have also fulfilled their own potential and reached their goals goes without saying. Yet arguing that the best way to do this is through firm restrictions and harsh punishments does not make sense. Why resort to aggression when a sensible conversation will do the trick? It is true that reprimands are sometimes necessary and punishments need to be meted out. Research has proven that corporal punishment is not the most affective form of punishment as it engenders a host of negative feelings in the child. It is far better to give the child time out, to ground him or penalize him in a more constructive way. Fortunately, laws have caught up in a lot of developed countries and even slapping is now considered child abuse. In short, guidance and constructive criticism are in and harsh discipline is out.

In conclusion, children are by nature naïve and they need to learn about the ways of the world, what behavior is acceptable and why and what behavior is unacceptable and why. The way this teaching is carried out by parents and educators can have significant implications for the child and the adult he will grow up to become. As such, it will have considerable impact on society as a whole as well. In short, the process of raising a child should not involve doing lasting damage; it should involve help, support and guidance.