TEENAGERS AND THEIR PEER GROUP

The teenage period is probably one of the most difficult periods in a person’s life. All manner of physical changes are taking place in the body, hormones are raging and cognitive development is still taking place. The person is neither a child nor an adult, his character is still being formed and he is very susceptible. It is no wonder that gangs, terrorist groups, cults and the like target impressionable teenagers rather than adults. This being the case, most parents worry continuously about their teenage children and the issue is made more problematic by the fact that they no longer have the kind of control over their lives that they had when the teenagers were much younger. The teenagers’ social circle has vastly expanded and so have the sources of influence in his life. His peers take pride of place among the various forces exerting an influence over teenagers’ life and it is the former’s view of life that is adopted not the latter’s.

An important point to realize is that as children get older, their social circle expands to include all the various people they come across in their life and by far the largest group they become a part of is their peers. People are, by nature, social creatures not loners so being accepted by this group is paramount. This being the case, standing out is not an option; fitting in is. The desire to fit in, be trendy and not weird means teenagers follow the latest trends in fashion wearing, for example, baggy jeans, oversized T-shirts, crop-tops, ripped jeans and the like in contrast to their parents who may go in for pants suits, pencil skirts and silk blouses or shirts. They may get into arguments with their parents to get their noses, ears, tongues or belly-buttons pierced or to get tattoos. They may die their hair pink and have weird haircuts.  Parents have no choice but to grin and bear it. If they try to interfere in any way implement changes, they will be fighting a losing battle as world war three will break out.

Change, one must remember, is a fact of life one is incapable of fighting. As Bob Dylan so aptly put it “The times they are a – changing”. He also recommends that parents should realize that their “sons and their daughters are beyond their command” and keep up. This is a bitter pill to swallow but such is the case. Parents will never be the major source of influence in their teenage child’s life anymore as the latter have entered a social group they value much more highly: their peers. Thus parents who enjoy classical music and who carted their child off to piano lessons for years may be horrified to discover that the said “child” now prefers grunge or heavy metal, wants to play the drums and wouldn’t be seen dead with his parents at a Mozart recital. He hangs posters of strange looking people in his room, is very protective of his private space, locks his bedroom door and posts a “do not enter sign”.  Family meals become a drag, and family outings begin to feel like a visit to the dentist.

Carpe diem becomes the motto of the teenager, who wishes to enjoy the moment and do things for a laugh in contrast to his poor parents, who are constantly thinking of the future and planning for it. The rift grows, parents and everything they do is deemed boring and communication is reduced to grunts and monosyllables. Risky behavior and the accompanying adrenalin rush are in, and sensible pastimes are often out. The desire for new experiences may put teenagers at risk, which is a constant worry for parents, but the grip the peer group has on teenagers is relentless. They may experiment with drugs or alcohol, go joy riding or shop lifting. They may do all manner of crazy things for a dare as their parents look on helplessly and try to pick up the pieces. In short, living with a teenager is truly difficult and stressful.

One piece of comfort is that the teenage period is part of growing up and it doesn’t continue forever.  Kids grow up, come to their senses, learn from their experiences and often become useful members of society. An important thing to remember is that despite the undisputed influence of the all mighty peer group, parents still have a crucial role to play in guiding the teenager through the choppy waters of the difficult period he is going through.